Saturday, April 29, 2006

the ever changing role

I think we all swore as kids that when we had children there were thing our parents did that we would never do to our kids.... and as adults we still promise that our kids won't feel the guilt we feel... but keeping those promises to ourselves is hard....
At 2 we could walk into a room and she would never let go of my leg-
At 3 two days a week I would drop her at preschool for 3 hours and she would cry so hard that I would cry when I got the car....
At 5 she would have stomach aches so she didn't have to go to school....
at 19 she needs to come home but not to my home....
being a parent is hard--- letting go is hard--- being replaced is hard--- funny thing is my brain is so wrapped around it but my heart is still working on the details...


She did come home... to my home... and I was surprised and happy.... somehow she knew the importance... but one day I know that even being Mom won't be enough and I will know that her happiness is more important than my need....

Thursday, April 20, 2006

alittle slice of easter


 
 
 
 

Yes the bunny came and yes there was food... but the real easter for us has always been coming together as a family. Its was so much fun when they were little and the hunted for eggs... but now its nice to see them hanging out-- they were competitive when they were looking for eggs... and as you can see they still are!! Posted by Picasa
Its hot... I'm so busy I can't see straight... some days it seems life is just coming at me too fast!!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Signs

I saw a sign tonight on my way home from work... Kindergarten registration is next week... who knew?? But that sign gave me a moment to remember -- 19 years ago it was a big deal-- I remember the day vividly and the excitement it brought... Christopher was so little yet so ready... I remember walking into Coles Elementary to sign him up like it was yesterday-- the tables set up in the lobby the little chairs... Mrs. Cook greeting me with papers to fill out.. I worked hard to get all his shots done in time for registration. I remember being so careful to make sure she knew he was Christopher not Chris... funny now he doesn't even use his first name.... I didn't know anyone-- I was just starting out the new venture of being a stay at home mom.. it was probably just as scary for me as for him... hmmm that was a lonnnnnnnnng time ago...

And a few years later I did it again.. this time for Amanda... much different... I was soooo ready to sign her up! I was confident in what I was doing... I was choosy as to who her teacher would be. (I stuck with Mrs. Cook) I was part of the school community by then--I was established in my role as full time mom-- I remember joking that we would have a party on the first day of school when she got on the bus...WAHOO no kids at home!! hahaha and look at me now... counting down the hours til the kids will be home for a holiday visit... life and its strange twists and turns...

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Half way to goal

Two weeks to go and counting-- The MS Walk-- April 22, 2006 -- Last year when I got the email from Amanda that she was going to walk for her Dad it brought me to tears. Not sure why, its not like she hasn't volunteered for wonderful causes in the past, or that I'm not aware how much she loves her Dad. We all have our charities that we give financially to, that we give our time to but this one hits home. You never know if the dollar you raise could be the one dollar that makes a difference. This could be the year that a true break through happens. For me its so selfish... I want Mike healthy, I want to grow old with him, I want to see his pain disappear. I give for one reason and one reason only ---for Mike.

Amandas half way to her goal this year... but I know she can do it...

Theres time if you want to give... Click here you never know your dollar could be the one....

We have to believe that this is the year...