Goodbyes are easier when you share them with the right people

Last night was one of those nights when you realize how perfect family can be. Picture a long table at Ruby Tuesday, add parents, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews, girlfriends, boyfriends, sisters, brothers and friends. We are a loud, obnoxious, opinionated group. The jokes flow freely, no politics (although we could go there) just banter about the weeks events... its all good... If I could capture moments like that in a bottle I could sell it for millions. We are good -- we are good for each other-- we love, we like and we are family.

It doesn't take much to get us together..say birthday, say holiday, say something good happened to me and we descend like vultures... Last night it was bittersweet.. My in-laws were saying goodbye... they were leaving the rat race of NOVA.. and making a good change... a Florida change...probably the hardest decision to make but somehow I know it was the right decision.. one we talk about here alot... getting away.. loosing the stress of "this area" We can't imagine what life will be like without them here but we can imagine the goodness that awaits them there.


And did I mention the Braves won??? Way to go Nicholas!! While I can't quite get into baseball it was alot of fun getting play by play during the first part of dinner while he was playing in a tournament game--what would we do without cellphones??... yep they go on to play Saturday--Keeping our fingers crossed that the luck follows them to Little River!

Monday already?

What a crazy week- Our office moved and while it was only a few blocks the details involved in moving have been so time consuming.. from changing internet to moving the phone system to hiring movers, dealing with contractors etc.... but today was our first day in our new place and it all came together.. A big thank you to my wonderful husband who really took charge and did the phone switch move AND totally wired the new space for phones, fax machines, internet you name it!! How did I get so lucky to marry someone who can do anything???
And on the home front Mike has been busy (with my minimal help) building our new deck--
Its gonna be a great space, but the process is slow.

And the weird news of the day?? I got a plastic envelope in the mail that I almost threw away thinking it was junk mail only to see peices of REAL mail in it!! And yes the mail was OLD mail... my only guess is it got "lost" in the mailroom somewhere in my local postoffice because it was all together.. anyway thanks to the postoffice I thought I was crazy and misplaced my bills and missed out on a special event for a friend.
Its been awhile since I have had time to do much of anything so tonight is gonna be a night devoted to laundry, putting away laundry and SCRAPPING...

Madison has a boyfriend!

After a wonderful weekend... got some news---- Madison has a new friend... and its a boy!!!
Gotta love Madison and Rusty in their life jackets!!!

Jake-

He fell into our lives..with long legs and floppy ears he was a puppy with no grace and a bundle of energy... through the years he has warmed our feet on cold winters days.. stolen sandwiches right out of our hands, chased every car that ever thought of coming up the driveway, and raced us right back down again... knocked us over when we tried to come in the front door, bitten our heals when we jumped in the pool, he sat quietly know matter what other animals we asked him to share his home with and has been there to celebrate all the highs and lows in our lives for 17 years... he was the first one to see amanda swim, the first to protect Christopher from the shadows in the back yard (snipers), the first to see the ballet dresses, the first to see the boy scout uniforms... he was there for all us-- quietly standing in the background of every holiday photograph..he was an old guy who loved us all and asked for very little in return. Today we celebrate his life because he was so much a part of ours.



And in case I didn't say it loud enough or with the emotion I truely felt.. thank you Amanda for doing what no Mother should have asked her daughter to do... I am grateful beyond words.

Here comes the sun!

If you gotta have tree work done... must as well have a hottie in the tree!! HAHAHA Can't thank Mike M enough for all the wonderful trimming & cutting he did!! We now have SUN!!

My life

 

So this is what my life is like right now.... not so pretty-- but with purpose as they say....
Mike has methodically been working on the deck.. with help alittle help he has come a long way this week. But he still has a long way to go.
Amandas and Coreys buddy Mike came by last night and showed off his tree climbing skills-- and took down a dead tree that had the potential to hit the house. He does this for a living... It boogles my mind that the "kids" are old enough to have professions-- where does the time go

On another note
We have struggled with the decision to put jake to sleep, and thought we had come to the right decision... and a plan to cause us all the least amount of pain.. selfishly I thought it was important for bonnie to not be home and for us to not come home in an empty car..now things are changing the stars aren't soo aligned anymore and I ask my self if this is the right thing....

With the three day weekend coming up I am so looking forward to alittle time on the water.. We are trying to adjust our plans so the kids can spend some time with us too.. just when I think life will be less complicated a wrinkle comes in and now it looks like we will be doing the split shift weekend again.. which isn't a problem for me... I will get some scrapping time in, Mike will get some much needed rest on the dock and the kids will get a mini vacation..
The alternative is changing vacation locations.. the beach at chincoteague or maybe camping with christopher. The clock is ticking... I guess we will figure it all tonight. Whatever we end up doing I just want it to be fun....... I need fun.......

Gone but not forgotten

We took down our deck today... Its been a part of our house for 17 years... we added on to it, subtracted from it, celebrated birthdays, graduations, awards ceremonies, had late night dinners, parties, spent numerous days sunbathing, read the sunday paper... it was a part of our life. Yup a new one will go in its place in a few weeks... but this one is gone.
Now if you think things decompose over time... and return to mother earth... you would be surprised if you saw what was buried under the leaves under our deck... Its was like a living history of our lives... matchbox cars found there way back into the sunlight as the deckboards were removed... pool toys that had been long forgotten, a peice of cardboard with spray paint on it from a High school Physics project, ribbon that stood the test of time that once held ballons to the deck rails, keg cups buried under the leaves still in their package... a dead mouse a recent present from Mr. Wiggles... our lives were well preserved under that deck in small peices. Peices that anyone else would quickly thrown away-- but not me I savored every last scrap.

Overcast

Is it the weather? Is it reality creeping in? Dunno but I've got that melancholy feeling... When I read Aby's Blog this morning it hit me... I do miss working in an office filled with mundane chatter about American Idol, Mothers Day gifts, traffic woes... I miss Kristi caring about what I ate for dinner, Rita showing me baby pictures, Bill bringing me up to date on politics and Suzie checking on me to make sure the kids are ok.... I miss co-workers that are friends...

Great Day

When your talking about Mothers Day- I can tell you that my family knows how to do it right! My kids never cease to let me down and this year was no different. First let me start by saying Mike invited his Mom & Dad over for dinner. My wonderful husband starting cooking Saturday afternoon-- woke up and started again at 8:30 Sunday morning.... and was in that Kitchen ALL DAY SUNDAY.

The menu you ask???

Tuscan Crowned Rib Roast

Roasted Potatoes with Goat Cheese Sauce and walnut rosemary topping

Asparagus with Orange Rosemary sauce

Salad with Rasberry Vinagarette

Italian Bread

Mikes Famous Cheesecake

The table was set with the fine china and real linens.... and Amanda and Corey brought the most gorgoues flowers.

If that wasn't enough there were GIFTS too!!!

Amanda knows me soo well and brought me the cutest Yellow T from the VATECH horticulture dept. and of course the wonderful flowers. (Did I mention she totally CLEANED my house on Saturday??? Yep Mothers Day was a multiday event!)

And then the boys.... Hello this mom is now sporting a Casey Mears T-shirt... and am the proud owner of a PINK TARGET car (former car of my driver) that Christopher stood in line for hours to get signed for me!

BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE!

Yep Christopher drove home from Richmond.... and when he walked in the door he said wait just a sec... and ran to the back room... (alittle card signing???) when he came back he handed me a cute mothers day card.... and inside it he wrote that it was hard to keep a secret for the last five days.... but

HE GOT THE JOB!!!!!

Hello??? can you hear me screaming from there???? Yep I screamed jumped up and down gave him a big ol kiss!!! WHAT A SECRET TO KEEP!!! I would have never guessed!!

Yea-- it was a great day-- If you think your kids are perfect your wrong because my kids have the lock on wonderfulness and I wouldn't trade them in for the whole wide world!!

Amanda brought going away gifts too... Aren't they cute??

Mail day!

Look A great Mail day!! These are from Million Memories May Kit!! gotta love getting scrap mail!!

And then look!! My regular Suzykit came too!

where did this post go?

So don't you just hate it when you finish writing in your blog and then your stuff just disappears??? hmmm and computers are supposed to be more effiecient??? oh well.... Last weekend I took alittle time out from my home alone weekend time for alittle photo shoot.... Yes Saturday was National Scrapping Day.... A holiday I truely beleive should have given me Monday off and presents... but no such luck! I spent the weekend trying to entertain Madison and catch up on a few scrapping projects that just seem to never end... It was great fun playing online at 2peas and scrapping and playing with the camera... I took these pictures 1) to practice some pet photography that I learned on a show called Barkitecture , 2) to create a slide show for Amanda(Madison has been with me "on vacation" for 10 days while Amanda studies for exams etc.) If I could figure out how to get the slide show on here I would... cuz I am darn proud of it!!
Anyway... Aren't these cute (if I do say so myself!)

Nothing like vacation photos to make you smile huh??

I did alittle shopping this week too..even though I probably shouldn't have... 2 pairs of shoes and alittle something something for the studio.... maybe I will share those pictures later..

Well the week is almost over--- couldn't be happier!! Maybe there will be some more Me time this weekend???? it is after all Mothers day!! right???

Everything is just fine

So I was thinking and that usually gets me into trouble... but this time its meant to be helpful... I read this last year.. it popped into my email and I found it interesting only because I thinks its so true when you see someone with an illness that is on the inside and not visible... It really fits Mike to a tee... as he would rather die than let anyone know how he feels... he pushes himself through the day and acts like everything is fine... damn anyone who want to make his day one tiny bit easier... so anyway after a little internet searching I found it again.... Thought it would be some interesting reading for those of you who wonder "How's Mike doing?"

In dealing with MS, it seemed sometimes that it was the people closest to me who knew least about my daily struggles. I needed a way to help them understand that even though I may look physically "normal" that there was often physical pain that went unmentioned and emotional needs that went unmet.
With a close group of friends I had a small get-together. Everyone had to bind their feet with rope, so that they could move, but they had a hard time balancing, much like people with MS. Then we put five to ten pound weights on each arm, because with the fatigue that's how heavy your arms can feel with MS. Then we took rubber bands and wrapped them around fingers and hands, because that is how it feels for a person with MS that deals with spasticity. Then the group attempted small everyday tasks-- like button a shirt, tie their shoes, write a note, etc. "Now," I said, "try to think of the physical pain that accompanies all of this. You may look at me everyday and not see rope around my feet, or rubber bands on my fingers, but that is often how I feel." By the end of the session my friends were in tears-- they finally understood what it's like to live with MS.
I shared this idea with an instructor of mine at the local university a few years back who taught a class called 'The psychology of disability'. After hearing the idea, he shared it with a few students that were presenting on the topic of MS. The students did a very similar experiment that allows the other students the experience to know, if only for a moment, what it is like to live with MS. And now, even when I'm at work and hear "Wow, but you look so normal! I would've never guessed you had MS!", I calmly reply, "Comeere, and let me put this rubber band around your fingers!"
Jennifer Leon
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Here is the link where I finally retrieved this from-- It was a winner in a MS leaders of Hope contest....and a winner in my book too because a year later I still remembered it.... Jennifer wherever you are thank you for sharing~

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http://www.msleadersofhope.com/mslohProject/msloh.portal

I am aware that I am less than some people

prefer me to be

but most people are unaware that I am

so

much more

than

what they see

Doulas Pagels

130

Enough said??? yup 130....

Fa la la la la

I have the puppy --I have the puppy... FA-La-la-la.... so for 10 glorius days I have Madison... and I don't have to share her!! hehehehe.. Its so hard to imagine the Joy that one 4 legged creature can bring... she is ALWAYS happy to see you... she is sooo darn inquisitive that you can't help but laugh... my house looks like a two year old stopped by to play-- there are toys and stuffed animals everywhere!! And I love it-- every darn minute of it!!

I am also so happy that Christopher is back in the game so to speak with his job hunt.. a good week of resume sending, phone and face interviews... just know a great job is just around the corner for him.

My inlaws sold their house-- we got pricing on the wood for our deck that didn't make us faint... and the weather has been lovely.... such a good week... and did I mention my favorite girl is gonna be home in 10 days??? Life is grand

the ever changing role

I think we all swore as kids that when we had children there were thing our parents did that we would never do to our kids.... and as adults we still promise that our kids won't feel the guilt we feel... but keeping those promises to ourselves is hard....
At 2 we could walk into a room and she would never let go of my leg-
At 3 two days a week I would drop her at preschool for 3 hours and she would cry so hard that I would cry when I got the car....
At 5 she would have stomach aches so she didn't have to go to school....
at 19 she needs to come home but not to my home....
being a parent is hard--- letting go is hard--- being replaced is hard--- funny thing is my brain is so wrapped around it but my heart is still working on the details...


She did come home... to my home... and I was surprised and happy.... somehow she knew the importance... but one day I know that even being Mom won't be enough and I will know that her happiness is more important than my need....

alittle slice of easter

 
 
 
 

Yes the bunny came and yes there was food... but the real easter for us has always been coming together as a family. Its was so much fun when they were little and the hunted for eggs... but now its nice to see them hanging out-- they were competitive when they were looking for eggs... and as you can see they still are!! 

Its hot... I'm so busy I can't see straight... some days it seems life is just coming at me too fast!!

Signs

I saw a sign tonight on my way home from work... Kindergarten registration is next week... who knew?? But that sign gave me a moment to remember -- 19 years ago it was a big deal-- I remember the day vividly and the excitement it brought... Christopher was so little yet so ready... I remember walking into Coles Elementary to sign him up like it was yesterday-- the tables set up in the lobby the little chairs... Mrs. Cook greeting me with papers to fill out.. I worked hard to get all his shots done in time for registration. I remember being so careful to make sure she knew he was Christopher not Chris... funny now he doesn't even use his first name.... I didn't know anyone-- I was just starting out the new venture of being a stay at home mom.. it was probably just as scary for me as for him... hmmm that was a lonnnnnnnnng time ago...

And a few years later I did it again.. this time for Amanda... much different... I was soooo ready to sign her up! I was confident in what I was doing... I was choosy as to who her teacher would be. (I stuck with Mrs. Cook) I was part of the school community by then--I was established in my role as full time mom-- I remember joking that we would have a party on the first day of school when she got on the bus...WAHOO no kids at home!! hahaha and look at me now... counting down the hours til the kids will be home for a holiday visit... life and its strange twists and turns...

Half way to goal

Two weeks to go and counting-- The MS Walk-- April 22, 2006 -- Last year when I got the email from Amanda that she was going to walk for her Dad it brought me to tears. Not sure why, its not like she hasn't volunteered for wonderful causes in the past, or that I'm not aware how much she loves her Dad. We all have our charities that we give financially to, that we give our time to but this one hits home. You never know if the dollar you raise could be the one dollar that makes a difference. This could be the year that a true break through happens. For me its so selfish... I want Mike healthy, I want to grow old with him, I want to see his pain disappear. I give for one reason and one reason only ---for Mike.

Amandas half way to her goal this year... but I know she can do it...

Theres time if you want to give... Click here you never know your dollar could be the one....

We have to believe that this is the year...